A Journey till the End of Life

We all were enervated. Four classes, each 2 hours long had finally finished and I needed a break. A vent I should say and not just a break and a freshly brewed hot coffee to sooth the mephistophelean headache. Alankrit suggested that we go to the Indian Coffee House and, after the little discord that I usually have for every idea that is tabled across, we marched toward The Rivoli, next to which our dinner joint was located, as Alankrit kept on claiming.

We were exhausted and drained by both long hours of study and humidity. I was exasperated by the idea of climbing a flight of stairs and so was Kriti. But as we approached the rooftop, all our doubts about the place flew away. I wanted to sit inside an air-conditioned premises and not out, under the sky, just to beat the heat and humidity when I realized there was no air-conditioning at all. We chose to sit outside. Alankrit likes coming to that place and sit out. So in a way we were puppets in his hands. “All sort of people come here – editors, businessmen, everyone”, he stated with a grin. “I’ll be an editor of a leading magazine or a newspaper one day”, I said candidly unmindful of how heavy the statement was and how casually I had made the point. The statement was enough to render the fluids of wisdom in my mind churning. I did not think about it till the time we were savoring the taste of the Dosa and the omelets, and the French toast. It was a nice break from the routine. It would have been more pleasant had the weather been kinder.  The clock had struck 8:50 and Kriti and Alankrit were getting late. I could spend as much time as possible sitting their, thinking, sipping coffee, smoking up a bit maybe. I had no intention of returning to an empty house. I wanted someone to hear me out. Nevertheless, we left the place and rushed to the metro. We said our goodbyes quickly and each one of us boarded a different metro, taking each one of us to our destinations. Words “destination” and “journey” trigger another series of thoughts in my mind which I shall discuss some other time. Traveling by the Delhi metro is an amusing ride. It paints a pellucid image of the social, economic, cultural, and behavioral differences in the society. 

Not digressing from the idea behind writing this post, I come back to describing my broody self. I have been a confused personality who is unsure of what he really wants to become. If someone asks me how I see myself 10 years down the line, I really do not have the answer to that. Its not unique, many youngsters face the same dilemma, but what makes my case peculiar is the fact that sometimes my interests are poles apart and I really am not able to prioritize. As I was studying mechanical engineering, which I did not choose and also I do not blame my parents for enforcing it on me, I realized my interest in humanities and arts. I was timid and unaware of how I could pursue either of them. Just like every other student who thinks of doing an MBA after engineering, I started preparing for MBA exams as well. I performed just fine, nothing great, so did not take up MBA. I landed a job in the automobile sector thinking that I shall try my hands at cracking the MBA exams once again after a work-experience of some 2 years. Sometime during October 2013, while I was introspecting what I really wanted to do, I really did not see myself working on the shop floor, dealing with the operators, and reducing scrap. Theater and writing have been my passion since childhood and I wanted to pursue either or both. I started talking to people. I joined groups on Facebook and started auditioning and became a part of the prestigious Delhi Theater Circuit. I had applied for Teach for India Fellowship program as I wanted to go away from the cut-throat competition, the never-ending efforts that one has to put in to remain in the race, the pressure to earn more than what the peers are earning. I wanted to go far away from all this, teach kids, work for an NGO and get some peace of mind, happiness and satisfaction. But I did not go to the assessment center. That idea of doing an MBA and landing a high paying job somehow prevented me from going.

My next target was to get a job as a writer and fortunately I got that too. Though what I write about isn't my forte, nor am I trained to be a journalist, I still carry the tag of a writer working with a publishing house. I sometimes think whether I should pursue mass communication or journalism to be able to work as a journalist with a newspaper, magazine or a news agency. This is exactly what I like. Standing in a minister’s corridor for hours, running to the live-shot location to break a story, carrying laptops, cameras, and batteries; is what inspires me to take this course. After gaining experience, I could be a columnist in a newspaper and maybe a successful author someday.  But again that idea of a plush office, a sporty car, and a decent house supersedes the meager respect and money that a journalist gets and the amount of struggle that he/she puts in. Frankly speaking, I really would not bother about them if someone could guide me about how I should build a career as a journalist. I feel scared treading the path less traveled. The idea behind joining Teach for India was to pursue theater simultaneously. In short, pursuing journalism and theater together is easier as compared to pursuing either of them after doing an MBA. I don’t know how true that is. This is just my point of view. I do not run after money or other luxuries because I need them. It is just because the middle class society identifies success in terms of money one makes and I can not ignore this fact.

I do not know if all this makes any sense or not. All I know is that, far far away from this pressure to outperform others, I would really like to join an NGO some day, teach kids, work with soulful people, fall in love, have pets, adopt kids, take care of them, travel the world, jot down my experiences, be a nomad, a madman, break free and live free. And as I was standing by the glass window in the metro, music plugged in my ears, I was thinking about my decision of joining these classes to prepare for MBA exams. I was thinking about how I might end up being a part of this vicious circle and not live a life I have always wanted to. The idea as of now is to do the conventional first and make peace with the society. The time to live the life shall come after that. And the time shall come for sure.